Kathleen McCue, the author of How to Help Children Through a Parent’s Serious Illness, describes some of the warning signs to look out for: major changes or disturbances in sleeping or eating; the appearance of new fears that won’t go away; retreating into silence; and trouble with developmental milestones (for example, a potty-trained toddler who starts to wet the bed or a teenager’s drop in grades at school).
See the Appendix for the full reference to this very helpful book. If you are unsure about how to talk to your child or have concerns about how he or she is coping with the diagnosis, speak to a social worker or counselor who specializes in helping children of a parent with cancer. If your children are in school, talking with their teachers and/or a school counselor can be helpful, too. Take steps to ensure that significant adults (such as care-givers, close family members, and teachers) around your child are providing consistent messages.
You may want to tell these adults generally what your wife is going through medically and what your child already knows. These people will be able to provide support to your child and also notify you if they have concerns about how your child is coping.
If you have concerns about how your children are coping with the diagnosis, you can investigate counseling for your children or groups intended specially for children coping with a parent diagnosed with cancer.